Prachi Raturi
Would I be ok with my 16-year-old smoking 15 cigarettes a day?
NO! Not one!
And yet when this young lady, who like many children her age, became somewhat socially withdrawn, post Covid, and complained of being lonely, I didn’t realise it was a ‘health risk’ comparable to smoking more than 15 cigarettes a day!
Yes, you read that right.
An oft quoted study by Dr Julianne Holt-Lunstad, Smith and Layton’s research ‘Social Relationships and Mortality Risk’ benchmarked the size of the effect that lacking social connection has on risk for premature mortality against the effect of other known risk factors, like drinking, smoking, obesity and inactivity, among others. Lacking social connection is akin to smoking more than 15 cigarettes a day, the study found.
My daughter, is just one of the many individuals who are dealing with loneliness. A 2025 report of the WHO Commission on Social Connection, ‘From loneliness to social connection – charting a path to healthier societies’, estimated rates of loneliness, globally, to be the highest among adolescents (20.9% among 13-17-year-olds) followed by young adults (17.4% among 18-29-year-olds). For adults it is (15.1% among 30-59-year-olds) and lowest in older people (11.8% among people aged ≥ 60 years).
In fact, it was also dubbed as double pandemic. In 2023, the US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, released an 82-page report titled, ‘Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community’.
But you know what, it is a condition that is most likely to affect us all at some point or the other. So, what is leading to so much loneliness, what does it do to our mind and body and how can we deal with it?
Not what we were meant to be
And even though we all enjoy our own company sometimes, being alone and lonely are not the same things.
Humans are social beings and were meant for connections.
Anthropologist Robin Dunbar put forth a fascinating idea in the 1990s: that our oversized brains – especially the neocortex, the brain’s outermost layer – evolved not merely for problem-solving, but to help us manage the intricate web of social life. Studying primates, he found out a fascinating pattern: the larger the social group, the larger the neocortex. Clearly, humans may have evolved big brains not just to survive, but to connect.
Neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman says, “Evolution has placed a bet that the best thing for our brain to do in any spare moment is to get ready to see the world socially.”
So, what happens when we are not socially connected? A host of things in the mind and body.
Neuroscientists have found that loneliness alters activity in key regions of the brain – particularly the amygdala, which processes threats, and the prefrontal cortex, which regulates emotions and decision-making. When we feel isolated, these systems become more sensitive. The brain starts scanning the social world for danger, interpreting neutral interactions as rejection or hostility. This hypervigilance, while meant to protect us, can make reconnection harder – creating a self-perpetuating loop of mistrust and withdrawal.
Functional MRI studies by researchers like John Cacioppo and Nancy Eisenberger reveal that social pain – the ache of exclusion or isolation – activates the same neural circuits as physical pain. In other words, loneliness literally hurts.
Mind and body
Chronic loneliness doesn’t just make us sad – it changes how our brain and body functions.
Like Psychologist, Avnee Taneja, explains it, “Loneliness isn’t just a mood – it’s a whole-body experience. Your brain responds to it like a threat, sending stress hormones racing through your system. You might find yourself more on edge, more cautious, less willing to take emotional risks. And here’s the catch: the more disconnected we feel, the harder it becomes to reach for the very thing we’re longing for. The protective walls go up, but they keep love out as much as they keep hurt away.”
What is worse, loneliness acts as a chronic stressor, triggering the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response. Cortisol, the stress hormone, stays elevated longer than it should. Over time, this constant physiological arousal can impair sleep, weaken immunity, and promote inflammation.
A 2023 meta-analysis published in Brain, Behavior and Immunity found that people experiencing long-term loneliness show higher levels of inflammatory markers such as interleukin-6 (IL-6) and C-reactive protein – both linked to heart disease, diabetes, and cognitive decline.
Other studies have shown how loneliness can increase the risk of strokes, Type II diabetes, Alzheimer’s. In fact, it has also shown to have negative influence on cellular aging, wound healing and susceptibility to viruses.
But perhaps the most alarming finding in recent years comes from a 2024 meta-analysis that followed more than 600,000 adults worldwide. It found that loneliness was associated with a 31 per cent higher risk of developing dementia. The researchers believe this may be partly due to chronic inflammation and partly because isolation deprives the brain of the cognitive stimulation that comes from conversation, touch, and shared experience – all of which keep neural pathways active and resilient.
Other studies show that lonely individuals exhibit faster declines in memory and executive function, even after adjusting for depression and lifestyle factors. Loneliness, it seems, can quietly erode the mind long before disease sets in.
Why the modern world makes it worse
Snehanky Chattopadhyay, Clinical Psychologist and columnist for The Mind Diaries explains the Indian scenario, “As a society, we are moving from collectivist to more individualistic. The stress is on independence, which becomes a contributing factor to loneliness. There are many other factors contributing to loneliness – income inequality, financial hardship, personality factors, impaired social relationships, impaired social engagements, etc. India being an agriculture-based collectivist society is still learning to balance inter-dependence with independence.”
Almost all dialects in India, she adds further, have a term for impromptu social gathering, in Bengali it’s called ‘adda’, in colloquial Hindi, it’s called ‘gup-shup’; usually accompanied by chai. Irrespective of genders, they would pour all their day’s frustration, exchange information and talk about various topics under the sun.
“This act of catching up impromptu has lost its charm with the advent of over-priced coffee shops, high powered corporate jobs that hardly leave any time for oneself and social media. Yes, social media was once seen as a tool to bring us closer, anyone and everyone was available at the click of the button. Soon, this boon turned into a curse as people preferred spending time on reels and sending hearts instead of having a casual conversation. In fact, it’s been a running joke that it takes months to plan an outing with your friends – and so much of planning kills the spontaneity that chai and simple heart-to-heart conversation provided.”
So clearly, technology promises connection but often delivers its opposite – contact without closeness. Online interactions rarely provide the emotional nourishment that in-person contact does.
Building the bridges again
Ok, if all that information has left you worried, here is the good news.
The brain is remarkably plastic. Just as isolation can rewire it for fear and withdrawal, connection can rewire it for trust and safety.
Simple, consistent acts – joining a community group, sharing a meal, volunteering, or even engaging in brief, positive social exchanges – can begin to reverse the biological stress of loneliness.
Interventions that combine social skills training, cognitive reframing, and community building show the strongest results in reducing chronic loneliness. Governments are beginning to respond too. The UK has a Minister for Loneliness; Japan has a similar post. The US advisory calls for rebuilding ‘social infrastructure’ – parks, libraries, and public spaces that make casual human interaction possible again.
Clearly building social connections is crucial for one’s mind and body.
“Social health is a vital but often overlooked pillar of health: It is just as essential as physical and mental health. Social connection can reduce the risk of disease, lengthen life expectancy and strengthen the fabric of communities and society. Social connection enhances life, giving us meaning and a sense of belonging,” says the WHO report, ‘From loneliness to social connection – charting a path to healthier societies’.
Stephanie Alexander, a lawyer for more than 30 years, who shared her fight against the secret epidemic of loneliness and isolation in society, in her acclaimed TEDx Gainesville talk, ‘Loneliness: The Secret Epidemic’ shared her social experiment of meeting 90 new people for 90 days and called it ‘Transforming’. She shared how much she loved and continues doing it because “it reminded me how wonderful, funny, quirky, interesting and poignant, people really are.”
Mollie Kaye in her TEDx, Surrey talks, interestingly titled ‘Is the Cure for Loneliness Hiding in Your Closet?’, shared her social experiment of dressing up in the 1950s clothes every Tuesday and how that has changed her life and hopefully several others. “When we are seen, we feel we belong and belonging is the opposite of loneliness.”
The takeaway
“We need to prioritise our social relationships like our life depends on it, because it does,” like Pyschologist, Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience and director of the Social Connection & Health Lab at Brigham Young University, says it.
So, loneliness isn’t a weakness or a modern life malaise – it’s a signal from our biology reminding us of our most ancient truth: we need each other. Ignoring that signal has profound consequences, not just for emotional well-being but for brain health and longevity.
“The most important thing to remember,” reminds Taneja, “is that loneliness, as heavy as it feels, is not proof that you’re broken or unlovable. It’s a signal – your heart’s way of saying, I need more. More closeness, more understanding, more shared humanity. If we can see loneliness not as a failing but as a compass, it can guide us towards the people and places where we feel truly at home.”
So even as I finish writing this story, at the back of my head, I want to seriously make a ‘social plan’ for my daughter and meet my friends more often and go out and socialise (like the lovely therapist I go to, has been telling me). And yes, I promise to say yes to cricket practices and outings the husband wants with his friends.
What are your plans?
Tips to overcome social isolation
Snehanky Chattopadhyay
Family first: Start by working on the current relationships you have with your family members. Find a way to connect with your mother, father, sibling, extended family, partner, children. Do it with the people in your family, that you are comfortable with – one at a time. Don’t over-extend yourself but do it quietly and at the pace you are comfortable with.
Start traditions: Be it with your own self or family, start something small and sustainable. Engage in activities together. It could be as simple as cooking or taking a hobby class together.
Become a member: Choose any art of your liking and take out time to attend their events. Social media is a boon if you know how to use it. There are many upcoming brands that organise walks, or special skills that make you feel you are part of a community.
Build a social network: Reconnect with old friends, be it from school, college or old place of work. Reach out first and strike that conversation randomly. Even one conversation will leave you feeling better.
Choose yourself first: Spend some quality time with yourself. Enjoy that tea, coffee or food alone without the distraction of the mobile.
Distance yourself: From negative situations that offer no reward. Simply stop engaging and draw better boundaries. It doesn’t mean cutting that person out completely but maintaining a mental one arm distance.