‘Setbacks lit the inner fire in me’
From having lost his voice due to Left Vocal Cord Paresis to singing better than he ever did, singer-composer-musician, Shekhar Ravjiani’s story of healing needs to be told
Prachi Raturi
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“No, no, you had the correct number, how have you been,” he asks with his trademark warmth.
It was almost two decades ago that I interviewed him a couple of times when I reported for the Hindustan Times from Mumbai. With an occasional message here and there, over the past two decades, it had been all silent. I mean one doesn’t reach out to celebrities to exchange pleasantries, do we?
So when I read singer-composer-musician, Shekhar Ravjiani’s Instagram post about having lost his voice, two years ago after he was diagnosed with Left Vocal Cord Paresis, what struck me most, after the initial shock, I felt, were the last few words in the post. “There is a way. There is a solution. Just be positive and believe. Always keep hope in your hearts people…”
One knew then, that he had walked out of a dark place and seen and embraced light and was willing to talk about his lessons and the journey to help anybody who felt hopeless at any point in time.
A simple message about The Mind Diaries and the idea behind it was enough to get a “Sure, you want to do this tomorrow” from him for this interview.
In an exclusive interview with The Mind Diaries, Shekhar Ravjiani, usually a very private person, talks about what kept him going after the diagnosis, the need to find hope and always keep at it.
Excerpts from the interview:
Thank you for agreeing to this interview Shekhar!
You know, I think it is an extremely important work that you guys are doing. It is so crucial to talk about mental health and well-being. It is a beautiful concept to be doing something like this in India so I am more than happy to do this.
Cheerleading for oneself. How important is it, Shekhar?
Very, important. I want to raise a toast to myself, my family, my doctors, and everyone who stood by me. I had never faced a problem like this. I later learnt it was because of Covid.
It was very difficult to hear from a doctor that you have a left vocal cord paresis so it will be difficult for you to sing or have the same voice again. That really shook me. I am a very positive person. I was trying to convert this into positivity and not let it affect me as hard. But it did hit me as hard, as it would hit any singer. Organically negative thoughts kept cropping in.
I have faced difficult situations. Running a 104 fever and performing on stage. Having zero stamina from being on antibiotics.
I still remember I was on a stage in Rome. And I jump a lot during my shows. Usually, there are these florescent tapes to mark areas to see drops, stairs, etc. because it is difficult to see once all the colourful stage lights are on. As luck would have it, there was a stair and they had forgotten to put the florescent tape. I jumped right on it and heard a bone in my leg snap. I continued jumping with one leg and did my show.
I still remember a day after I lost my grandmother who I was very very close to, I had a show. I was dancing and singing all the happy songs even as tears rolled down my eyes.
The show must go on, which is the philosophy I have always worked with. This news about my paresis however had hit hard.
But I knew I had to get back up and be at it.
What made you decide to share your experience?
So, I haven’t shared this with anyone and I am sharing this because it is you. I was on a flight back from Istanbul and watching the documentary, ‘I am Celine’. And I burst out crying. I was wiping my tears and crying.
It was also the time I was helping someone who had faced a similar problem with doctor’s advice and vocal therapists. I like to do whatever I can to help people with real advice because I have been through this journey.
But when I saw the documentary, I realised I knew my story had to be told. I wanted to share my story to help people who are facing a similar challenge or any other. People need to see hope. If my paralysed left vocal cord could move in under two months then anything can happen. Miracles do happen.
It isn’t always easy to talk about one’s tough times and yet, here we are.
I am a very private person. And I don’t like to talk about my personal life on social media but this story I thought needed to be told.
The news had hit me hard.
I hadn’t told my parents because I wasn’t sure they would be able to deal with it. My wife and daughter knew and they were my biggest support. At the same time, they knew it was a tough time for me and I didn’t want to really talk about it.
But I went quiet. It was a very very internal journey, you know.
When our left and right vocal cords meet, sound waves are created and that is how our voice comes out but all I heard when I tried to sing was a ha… sound. I would go to the washroom and try and sing and l heard my voice in a way I didn’t want to hear. I didn’t know what I had to do with my voice. Should I be speaking loudly or should I rest my vocal cords? I was like a madman going to the washroom and trying to sing loudly and the next day, I would be quiet thinking I had tried to sing enough. So, trying various things with myself.
I kept on meeting doctors and at some point, in time, I also began blaming myself because I smoked off and on. I haven’t smoked for the past three years, though!
Sometimes I wondered what I would do if I couldn’t sing. What would I do then I took refuge in the hope that I would still be able to make music. And I make music like no one can!
So, what made you rethink how you were dealing with the situation
At some point, I told myself I needed to live the way I was living like I was living. And then God kept sending messages. Paths, and channels, opened up. I kept meeting the right people. Everything worked in symphony helping the whole process.
I still remember when I did my first session with Dr Erin Welsh, she asked me, you aren’t blaming yourself, are you? She healed me in the first hour of chatting. And that is the kind of people we need – someone who tells us everything is going to be fine.
And what would you say, kept you going through the journey and the various emotions you felt?
Faith kept me going. I have always prayed to Lord Hanumanji. I have always asked for his support and guidance. I was constantly praying to him, asking him for the path forward. One thing led to another and I kept meeting the right people. It is all about energy, isn’t it? I have surrendered myself to a higher force. My love and devotion for him is so strong that paths keep opening up.
Since music is such an integral part of your life, was there some music that kept you going?
I heard the Hanuman Chalisa, which I have sung and composed. A lot of mothers have reached out to me saying they put their children to bed playing it, a lot of people find peace listening to it.
As a creator, I find peace in it too.
So yes, I listened to this Hanuman Chalisa a lot.
How do you look back at your journey?
I have to give myself that credit and I will do that. When I got my voice back, I could hear it thicken but the murkhis, harkats and taans were not there. So, I started doing regular riyaz. And then I could hear the murkhis, taans, palte, sargam.
I could hear my voice get better. I was sounding really good.
It is like when you start going to the gym and in a few weeks, you see muscles, I could feel that.
So, it was like from 10th standard, I had gone back to KG then I went to 1, 2, 3 and then I achieved University. I tell everyone I am sounding so good. It happened, it had to happen.
So yes, miracles do happen.
Have you put it all behind you?
I have learnt to be much more careful.
I make sure I warm up enough before a concert. I have been told my throat needs to be warm enough.
Something like drinking water. We all like to chug water, right. But chugging is horrible for the throat. You should chew water and gently send it down the throat.
So yes, my experience has made me alert. It feels like another chance in life and I don’t want to mess it up at all.
When one goes through any kind of challenge in life, mental health also takes a beating. How did you cope with it?
Absolutely it does. It is important to talk about what you are going through in life. That is your first step to victory. When you consult someone, it is level two and then you implement it, it is level three. We all need help, we all need that support.
What worries me is how the word depression is a word being used very loosely.
What I think has happened in the past few years, with so much of social media, our attention has drifted from art form to something where we are all wasting a lot of time.
There is education but also education that one doesn’t need to know about. And that I think is messing with our heads. And there is so much of it that we start thinking and behaving differently. There are so many apps out there. We learn and then unlearn and then learn it all over again.
Someone says I am off Instagram and then they are back. Your team tells you that you have to be at it to be relevant. And it is the only place where music marketing happens.
I am also guilty of being on Instagram. You want to say you want to spend time enjoying a quiet cup of tea, breathe, listen to some music, go outside and play with your dogs, soak in the morning but you end up seeing your phone first thing.
But you know what, it is difficult, but I have done it a few times and it works.
So, I guess like most things, here too, one needs to be at it with intention.
How important are setbacks in life?
Well, I think they have the capacity to change our story. For example, in my early days, the head of a very big record label told me, “You don’t have music in you. You can’t sing, you can’t compose. You should simply pack up and join your father’s business or something.”
In 1995 or 96 when I went for Sa Re Ga Ma Pa on stage and began singing, I was disqualified because of five points. I told my fiancé (who is now my wife), that one day I will come on the same stage as a judge. And I did just that.
If I hadn’t failed initially, I wouldn’t have had this fire. So these failures are important.
If someone told me I was damn good, in the beginning, I might have become arrogant.
So today I actually thank all the people who told me you can’t sing, you can’t compose, you shouldn’t be in music. My inner fire is lit only because of them. I proved them wrong.
So, one has to keep at it and that is the only way, out, right?
Absolutely. One has to hold on to hope and keep the effort on. That is what changes things finally.
Faith and devotion are very important. Without these, I would be a weak man. They are my strength, they helped me heal. And then of course the fact that I was constantly working on it.
Even in music, I want to keep at it. I believe people go through blocks – writing block, music block, tech block. I don’t have that. I have to be at it. I have to finish it. I don’t judge myself for not finishing it that day because I know I will complete it. You have to be at it. I have always been a person who has never given up.
One has to be at it and never let go off hope.
In the groove
•Shekhar Ravjiani is a classical vocalist who trained under Ustad Niaz Ahmed Khan.
•His musical journey began when he began learning the accordion from his father, Hasmukh Ravjiani.
•His professional career began with his participation in the Zee TV singing contest Sa Re Ga Ma Pa in 1997.
•Beyond his musical achievements, Shekhar has ventured into innovative performance arts. He became the first Indian actor to perform in holographic theatre, portraying an Indian soldier in ‘Symphony to a Lost Generation’, a production by the London Symphony Musical Theatre. This groundbreaking performance involved acting in front of a green screen, with the final product creating a 3D image viewable without glasses.
•He also acted in the movie Neerja.
•He runs the Shekhar Ravjiani School of Music, where he nurtures the next generation of artists.
•He has his own record label by the name of Garudaa Music.
•He is also a strong supporter of his daughter Bipasha’s commercial dance studio, Eight Studios, in Mumbai.
•As part of the Vishal-Shekhar duo, Shekhar has played a significant role in shaping contemporary Bollywood music. The duo is known for blending different genres, creating memorable soundtracks for films like Om Shanti Om, Chalte Chalte, and Ra.One, and Bajirao Mastani.
•His achievements have earned him numerous awards, including the prestigious R.D. Burman Award and the 2008 Asian Film Award for Best Composer.