The first step to celebrating yourself is to make yourself a promise – and do whatever it takes to keep it. These self-promises have a deeper impact on your journey to success, confidence, and happiness than you might think.
Introduction
What does it mean to truly celebrate yourself? For the author, it began with a simple yet life-changing question: Why wait for someone else to celebrate you when you can do it yourself? This revelation set her on a transformative journey, starting with her first solo trip to Puducherry.
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Anshu Arora
I was 46 years old and I hadn’t travelled solo for pleasure. I am always on the go, travelling globally for work all by myself, but I had never taken a solo holiday.
Since I am a people’s person, I thought that travelling alone would be boring. I live by myself and so also thought that it may not be very different from an every day life for me.
However, you must know of a commitment I had made to myself, when I started this new phase of my life – I call it ‘AA 2.0’ – on 3 December 2020. As my separation was finalised and I had to take on life solo, I had decided very mindfully, that I will not be the “sad, I don’t know what to do with my life” person. I will cherish life and most importantly, celebrate myself.
As a child I was much loved. My uncle and aunt more than my parents celebrated me! My birthday was always an event! Right from a fabulous customised and exclusively stitched dress to matching hair bands and footwear. I was appreciated and loved. Customised return birthday gifts and castle cakes to say the least! I was special. It was from there perhaps that I learnt the meaning of celebrating an individual. Of course this understanding took many mature turns with life’s difficulties. Celebrating self and life changed various meanings and took different forms and I embraced it all.
I did it
Setting up my new rented home where I was to live by myself to treating myself gently,to celebrating big-small moments, to not waiting for someone and dressing up to show up was a difficult thing to do, however I take pride in saying that I did it and may I say did it really well.
In the words of my most favorite Frank Sinatra:
… Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way.
Well, it was not easy. There was a phase in my life, when I got fed up of waiting for someone to bring me flowers, buy me a gift or get me a bitter chocolate cake. I was caught up in a situation of ‘always being asked’: Which flowers would you like? Which cake should we order? Where should we go for dinner? I was fed up of ‘being asked’ and not being with people ‘who knew’ even after years and years of being together. Until one day (even before AA 2.0 was initiated) I asked myself, how long am I going to wait to be celebrated by someone else? Why can’t I do it on my own? Why do I need anyone at all? That was the day I decided before my 40th birthday came in, that with my 40th, I would retrieve, regain and recapture my old self, one that was celebrated and cherished. Only this time, I would do it MYSELF.
For myself
I will do for myself what I love the most. First up ‘travel’ to a place I do not know; a new country or a new city, every birthday. Secondly, I will treat myself as luxuriously as I can (with my definition of luxury) perhaps with a grand dinner and a glass of champagne or a new dress that makes me look fabulous! And thirdly, I will do so at my pace. With no set, tight schedules, but only an honest commitment that I will not – not do it.
I did it! From celebrating my 40th in Goa, I went to Las Vegas, San Francisco, Toronto, Miami and New York. I missed two years of travel due to Covid. Most of my travel was with my best friend, my travel buddy, who I can have endless conversations with, share a room and split the bills without any difficulty. However, with changing commitments, and children getting ready for the University, it was becoming slightly tough to manage dates with my most favourite travel partner. Things at my personal end were also contributing to many repeat cancellations. Suddenly, I saw myself trapped in the same quest one more time.
I did what I always do. I paused, detached and watched the sequence of my life. This time though it felt different. I realised that I was once again dependent on someone else for my happiness. In my moment of introspection, my top questions were back as my 47th birthday was approaching. Will I be waiting for someone else to come along to celebrate me? Is that what the deal was? Or was it to feel joyful in own company? Or was it to cherish self?
I knew my answer.
I wanted to celebrate myself, my brave life, my many achievements, the many hundred battles I won every day. I heard myself and Bingo! It was time for my first solo trip to bring in my 47th birthday in style!
I booked my first solo travel to Puducherry. It wasn’t my first choice. I wanted to go to Seattle, but I was late in deciding and it was too short a time to get good deals. So, I picked up my top choice in India: Puducherry. I also thought, that I will get a good hang of myself, in my first solo trip, in India simply because of it being a familiar land.
First solo trip
I wanted to visit Puducherry for a long time. I was fascinated by the hues of heritage in this erstwhile French colony. I was keen to explore the wall arts, the colonial French Quarter, the amazing cafes and sit by the rock beach. As I took this plunge, I was exposed to the most beautiful experiences of my life. As they say, “People travel because it teaches them things they could learn no other way.” This truly came alive for me. I cherished my company. I walked through the streets of Puducherry all on foot, one location at a time. Pausing, capturing and exploring. Experiences emerged and opened myself to absorbing it. I met the most beautiful strangers, I saw the most beautiful art, I spent the most beautiful time by the rocky beach on a bench all by myself with a cup of filter coffee, I raised a toast to myself, dressed up super-beautiful, and dined in style. I loved it. I loved to do it by myself. In fact, may I dare admit that I have experienced a new sensation, a feeling I never experienced before. The joy, the peace, the unconditioned free movement and the choice of pace. Now, I am not giving it up for anything. I am worried, if I would like to travel with people now?
This trip surprised me about the skills I didn’t know I had. Most importantly, whenever I needed to, I was able to simply sit in silence and just enjoy the company of myself, without any interruption. The world had suddenly become a completely different place. You have to experience it to know exactly what each of these words truly mean. Travelling alone has probably been the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done on the journey of celebrating myself!
Step one: I realised that the first step about celebrating yourself, is to make yourself a promise and do whatever it takes to keep it. Believe me as I say that these self-promises have a deeper impact on your journey to success, confidence, and happiness than you might think. It’s like an ‘interior love affair’. Learning how to be happily alone is a powerful skill. Funny, how on the flight to Chennai, I read this:
“We cannot expect to grow if we are too afraid or unwilling to change and face challenges. When we exit our everyday, mundane lifestyles to do something different we can experience growth, undiscovered strength, and new abilities within ourselves.”
-Ashley Ormon
It felt as if it was a message from the Universe to trust the process and simply keep walking.
Step two: Face your fear. The most fulfilling and meaningful parts of life often lie on the other side of our fears, so we need to actively confront and overcome them to fully experience life’s potential. The fear of being alone, the fear of – can I do it all by myself? Challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone and achieve things you might otherwise avoid. Facing your fears doesn’t always mean jumping onto the other side instantly. You can gradually expose yourself to the things that refrain you and achieve a small portion with each gradual step. I was cautious about where I would stay for my first solo trip, I booked myself at the heart of the city in an AirBnB that was high rated. I also interacted with the guests before I decided. It can therefore be an informed decision and a cautious one at the same time. But do take the plunge.
Step three: Find your method of celebration and claim it 100 per cent. This article is not about solo travel. Travel is my language of celebration. Travel makes me the happiest. I love to explore new places, culture and meet new people. That’s my thing! You go find yours! Research shows people report feeling happier when they spend their money on experiences rather than objects. We remember experiences for a longer period of time and our brains can re-live them, making our positive emotions last longer. So instead of that new pair of jeans consider trying a new yoga class or inviting a friend to the movies with you or just get your passport stamped and leave!
Step four: And the last step would be to stay committed to finding your happiness. You will agree that things will not always work out as you think or visualise. Stay committed to finding your happiness. Stay committed to not giving up. A substandard or unsuitable situation will lead to a lot of negative self-talk or judgement from people around you.
People asked me: Why travel alone? Are you serious? Why do you want to be alone on your birthday? Don’t you have any friends to go with?
Don’t give in to this. Stay committed to YOU! Stay committed to celebrating yourself. Through a simple practice of being kind to myself, introspecting and self-talk, I realised that happiness is available to me right now instead of waiting at the end of some path for someone.
I encourage you to hit ‘pause’ and watch where you are headed and whether that is where you want to go. Please do allow yourself the opportunity to ask, “Why? Why am I acting or feeling this way?” Remind yourself not of the setbacks, losses or failures, instead speak of the progress you have made, your journey of self-compassion and the effort to generate your renewed energy.
Travel is my calling. Travel is my celebration. Travel brings out the best in me and so I chose that method to celebrate myself. My first solo trip made me see the big picture of life. I realised: Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So you can see the place you came from with a new perspective of accomplishment and achievement and some extra bright colours.
Remember, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”—Buddha